fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
