We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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