Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
