A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
