I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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