I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
