well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
