i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
