if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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