On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
