I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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