would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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