Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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