just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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