he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
