these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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