Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
