So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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