I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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