My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
