Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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(563): View more from Iowa

Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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(198): View more from

im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now

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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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(541): View more from Oregon

It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet

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(804): View more from Virginia

I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?

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(516): View more from New York

Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow

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(618): View more from Illinois

So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth

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