Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
