so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
