I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would ride that face into the sunset
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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