Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Quick, to the slutcave!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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