Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
