I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
