so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
