the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
