Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
