you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
