I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize