Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
