is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
