are you so shy because you have an std?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
