Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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