i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
