Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
