My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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