mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
