I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
