I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
