Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
