Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
