The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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