I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
