I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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