shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
this hospital has no fireball
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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