I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
