I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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