i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
