he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
