Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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