I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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