I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry about my life...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
