Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
