drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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