Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
