gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
