I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
