Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
