wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
