Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
