I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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