i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
