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• (914): View more from New York

  Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Tell me you're kidding.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.

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• (914): View more from New York

  We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...

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• (315): View more from New York

  OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?

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• (567): View more from Ohio

  what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon

  (419): View more from Ohio

  well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list

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• (206): View more from Washington

  sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"

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