I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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